


Nobody Knows Raymond

by EldritchChoir



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast), どうぶつの森 | Animal Crossing Series
Genre: Body Horror, Canon-Typical Magnus Archives Violence, Crossover, Eating your neighbors, Gen, Horror, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:49:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24086905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EldritchChoir/pseuds/EldritchChoir
Summary: Statement of a resident of Drifter’s Rock Island, about a series of disappearances following the arrival of a strange new neighbor.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	Nobody Knows Raymond

**Author's Note:**

> This was basically spawned by a conversation with my friends on Discord where I said everyone likes Raymond so much it wouldn't matter what atrocities he committed. And so, I wrote this for laughs. I've been listening to way too much TMA recently. This is essentially a 5k word shitpost. Enjoy!

_Statement begins._

My name is Dominic, but my friends call me Dom. I’ve always been the sort to not want to cause trouble, and be generally liked by everyone, so a lot of people call me that actually. This past spring, I made a choice that drastically changed my life, and set out with a small group of folks to live on an unclaimed island. It was hard leaving everyone I knew at home behind, but I did not regret the choice to get out there. At first, anyway.

The experience in the beginning was exhilarating. I was there from day one, and I watched the island go from a collection of individuals roughing it in tents, to a nice little town with all the amenities you could hope for over the course of a couple weeks. It was thoroughly peaceful, and relaxing. A huge difference from the rush of city life. I’m a simple kind of guy, and as long as there’s good things to eat, someone to talk to, and a way for me to get my exercise in, I’m happy. There was plenty of all of that. My neighbors were fantastic company, especially the individual we all knew as the island representative.

The Rep was a hardworking sort of person, always working on making our town a more comfortable place. They had a hands-on approach with everything, working with the island management to set up new facilities around the island, and bring more people in. And honestly the Rep was also my best friend. They always checked in on me each day, asking how I was doing. When I was down with a cold, it was no trouble for them to bring me medicine. And all the time, they were bringing me little things they thought I’d enjoy. Altogether, a very selfless and reliable individual. That’s why it was so shocking when there came a time that I just couldn’t rely on them anymore.

Life was very pleasant for a long time on the island and I had made a little routine for myself. In the morning after breakfast, I would join in with a few of my neighbors in the main square near the town hall. Together we would do some light exercises. Their names were Cole, Penelope, and Maelle. It was always fun, even if Cole didn’t have as much energy as the rest of us to keep up all the time. After that was lunch, and I would spend time lounging on the beach with a book or some music. Then as the sun began to set, I liked to explore the small local museum to cool off a bit before dinner. This was a very typical day, but sometimes I would shop or hike around the woods. It didn’t matter much. There were no stakes in this sort of life. Just making sure you got along with everyone as best as you could, really.

Things started to change after our neighbor Skye left. It wasn’t uncommon for folks to come and go, since there were a lot of neighboring islands that made potentially equally enjoyable places to live. I passed the Rep standing in front of the newly empty lot on my way down to the beach that day. They were looking at the large red “sold” sign with intense satisfaction, a wide grin on their face. I nodded, not finding anything strange about this. They were always happy to have new neighbors. I remember how happy they were when Marshal moved in, spending plenty of time talking to him about how much he was going to enjoy the town until he was embarrassed at all the attention he was receiving. I continued down to the beach without another thought.

The next day, our new neighbor was there but I didn’t get a chance to meet him at first. The Rep was over at his house all morning helping him unpack, and I figured I would stop by later and say hello, as it was the neighborly thing to do. I went about my day as usual, feeling rather at peace. Later though, as I stepped into the museum it struck me that it was a bit colder than usual. Maybe because it was hotter outside, so it was chilly by comparison. I examined the new paintings on display first, even though I don’t really understand art. Then I made rounds of the insects and fossils, saving the fish for last because they are my favorite. It’s always enjoyable to observe them swimming in formation in their tanks. How do they just _know_ how to get along with each other with no disputes? I will never know.

As I entered the aquarium section of the museum, I saw someone I did not recognize looking at the pond fish with a burning intensity that made me feel as if I had walked in on something I wasn’t meant to see. I realized somewhat late that this must be the newest resident of our little island town. I approached him confidently, wanting to make a good impression and he turned suddenly to lock his eyes on my face. There was something strange about his eyes, other than the fact that one was green and the other was hazel. His gaze held me in place and made me want to run at the same time. But luckily he wasn’t looking at me for long, turning his attention back on to the tank.

“They’re beautiful, aren’t they? Crisp…” His words were as pointed as his teeth when he smiled at his own words. I began to feel myself break out in a nervous sweat despite the cold.

“Uh, i-indeedaroo.” I stammered, not wanting to disagree, but immediately scolding myself for sounding so awkward and unconfident. “A-anyway I’m Dominic, but you can call me Dom. Welcome to Drifter’s Rock. I hope you find island life to your liking!”

“The name’s Raymond. And I’m sure I will. There’s a lot more _freedom_ afforded to this kind of lifestyle.” He steepled his hands and flashed another dangerous smile my way. I just nodded. Judging on his very formal attire, I guessed he must be some sort of businessman, come to retire from the kind of life I could never picture myself having. Making a vague excuse, I wandered away to walk the rest of the aquarium wing. When I returned to the entrance, Raymond was gone.

The next day when I joined my friends for our regular fitness meet, everything felt more or less normal. Cole had overslept a bit and Maelle teased him for it. Then I spoke out of compulsion, wanting to get a read on the situation from last night.

“Have you all met Raymond, our new neighbor? What did you think of him?” I asked, trying to keep my tone neutral. Penelope shrugged.

“He seems a little out of place, but the Rep really likes him, and I trust them.”

“Out of place how?” I scowled, trying to understand.

“City boy.” Maelle said, lightly dismissive. “But I guess we were all like that once. I don’t know. I think I like him well enough too.”

Cole nodded. “Actually, he helped me bring in my groceries yesterday. I wouldn’t worry about him, dude. He’ll settle in just fine.” He touched my arm comfortingly. I nodded, and tried to put the whole thing out of my mind.

After that, everything was alright for a while. I didn’t see Raymond outdoors much, and when I did it wasn’t uncommon to see the Rep chatting him up. This hurt a little bit, even though I knew better than to be jealous. There was more than enough of my friends to go around after all. But I couldn’t help it anyway. The Rep wasn’t the only one, however. Everyone seemed to be charmed by our new resident. When he wasn’t around, folks would talk about him and how handsome he was. I couldn’t even consider him that way, because in my head when I pictured him all I could see were those sharp eyes and sharper teeth shining in the darkness of the museum. I started going there a bit less after that, hoping to not run into him while I was alone again. He was there more frequently than me, maybe. Always looking at the fish with a _hunger_. Part of me knew he would do something eventually, and I wanted to catch him when he did.

One morning I skipped meeting with my friends in the square. The small general store on the island always had a rotating stock of odds and ends. Not just basics like food and gardening supplies, but also furniture and electronics. Just the day previous, they had a wireless security camera in stock and I intended on placing it somewhere. It made me feel slightly guilty that my feelings of discomfort had gone this far to spy on someone who perhaps I misjudged, and could be a friend to. But I was so sure I was right, and so frustrated that nobody could see what I saw. Perhaps with proof, I could feel better.

When I entered the aquarium wing of the museum, nobody was there, much to my relief. I made my way with confidence across the floor, only to slip on a puddle of water that I hadn’t noticed in the dim ambient light. I landed on my backside with a yelp. The water was near the pond tank, which had an open top. Perhaps one of the fish, perhaps the Ranchu, had gotten too rowdy and splashed some of the water to the floor. But upon closer inspection I noticed with a start that the Ranchu goldfish was gone. So were some of the others. All that was left was the school of neon tetras. Part of it, anyway.

Carefully getting to my feet, I ran into the atrium of the museum to alert the curator. He was there, dozing on his feet. I didn’t envy him. He was here at almost all hours, and especially not good with early mornings.

“Mr. Blathers!” I shouted to wake him. He opened his eyes with a jolt, sputtering.

“Is that you, Dom? A bit early for your visit, isn’t it?”

“Nevermind that. I need you to come see. Some of the fish are gone.” I said urgently, then lead him to the exhibit. He was absolutely devastated by the discovery, as was I. I couldn’t help but shed a few tears, because I knew… That monster Raymond must have consumed them at last. He got what he wanted, but would it be enough? I told Blathers about the camera I had intended to sneak in, and he agreed in the face of losing more of his collection to set it and a few others up in the aquarium just to be secure in case this was going to happen once again. To me, it wasn’t a matter of “if”, but _when._ Feeling like this would surely be over soon, I went down to the beach to calm myself with the waves. When I had proof, I would talk to the Rep, and they would surely do something.

The day after next when I went to the square to exercise with my friends, Cole never showed up. Penelope suggested that he was still sleeping, and I really wanted to believe her. After all, ruining a public museum display is one thing but… Raymond couldn’t have hurt Cole, could he? Myself and Maelle and Penelope decided to go check up on him.

“I can’t wait to see him realize he’s slept in yet again.” Maelle said with grin as I hesitated in front of his door. Cole lived a bit apart from everyone else, near a waterfall that made for an excellent view. But I worried for him, being so far from anyone else. Penelope noticed the worried expression I had and looked at me strangely before opening the door herself. Cole’s home was dark, but not for long as I reached to turn on a lamp. His bed was empty. There were no signs of him at all. Maelle sighed after she took a good look around.

“Maybe since you weren’t _there_ the other day, he thinks he can slack off now too. You’re the most motivated out of all of us, and we can’t function without you.” She said, trying not to sound too accusatory, but I felt bad anyway.

“You’re right. Maybe he’s dozing by the beach, or something.” I suggested hurriedly, my apprehension amplifying. After that, we split up to look for Cole. Drifter’s Rock isn’t that large, but it is easy to get lost if you don’t stay on the paths. And I found myself very lost indeed. It was always so surprising to come out of the tree cover and see a building I recognized. After a while of looking, I found myself outside of Raymond’s house. The curtains were drawn and there were no signs of movement, or smoke from the chimney, so I assumed he was out. Predictably, the front door was locked, but I wanted very badly to see inside. Just to be sure. I ended up shimmying in through a window, which is slightly difficult for me because of my wide body.

As soon as my feet were safely on the floor, I was struck by how dully normal Raymond’s house looked. His taste in furniture was better suited for an office than a home. Nothing seemed to be out of place, and that wasn’t surprising. I got the impression that Raymond was extremely particular in manner. The only place it made sense to look for clues was his desk. I didn’t have to look for long. In one of the drawers was a shirt that I recognized as belonging to Cole. It was one of the ones the Rep gave him, and it was covered in blood.

I didn’t have the space to grieve in that moment because I was pierced by such intense fear. Did Raymond really do this? I couldn’t comprehend the type of individual who would do such a thing to a friend and a neighbor. I was faced with a choice then—either take the shirt as proof and risk Raymond knowing that someone had been inside his home, or leave it and run and regather my thoughts. I did not particularly care about my own safety if it meant I could keep someone else from being hurt, I decided. I wasn’t even sure what had happened to Cole. What sort of violence could Raymond be capable of?

Without any hesitation after that, I took the shirt and I was out the window again, on my way to the residence hall to speak to the two who managed most things on the island—Isabelle and Tom. Tom was more in charge of infrastructure and building, and almost always on the phone with someone. He was when I opened the door, but he and Isabelle weren’t the only ones. There was Cole, wrapped in a towel and looking a bit shaken. He was all wet, I noticed.

“My shirt! Did Raymond give that to you to give to me?” He exclaimed, reaching for it. “He said he had some good cleaner at home for the blood—Oh, it’s still dirty. I guess he didn’t have time.”

“Wh—what happened to you?” I choked out, trying to keep the fact that I fully thought Cole was dead and eaten by Raymond out of mind and off my face.

“I was a bit sleepy this morning as I was making my way to the square and I fell in the river and got cut up pretty badly on the rocks. Luckily, Raymond was nearby and he pulled me out.” Cole explained. He was smiling, but looked otherwise very shaken.

“Raymond is a hero. Mr. Nook’s just calling in someone from another island who can come give Cole some stitches.” Isabelle said, leaning over her desk a bit and tilting her head cheerily. I didn’t know how to react to this information. I just gave Cole his shirt and left, ignoring him when he called after me.

I felt very upset with myself for letting things go this far. Not only had I assumed the worst of Raymond, I also broke into his house. I had planned on going behind the back of the museum curator to set up cameras, and overall I knew if I continued on this way, the others would eventually pick up on it and assume I just hated Raymond for no reason. I couldn’t have imagined how uneasy his eyes made me, but perhaps that was just my problem.

The following afternoon, I was vindicated for my worries. I was laying on my side in the sand, drawing abstractly, when a shadow fell over me. I was startled at first, but it was Cole once again, looking panicked.

“I can’t find Marshal anywhere.” He said, looking deeply saddened. I sat up and brushed myself off, giving him my full attention.

“Well, how long have you been looking?” I asked carefully.

“Ever since we split for lunch. I was supposed to see him today and talk about comics like we do every Thursday.” Cole shook his head. “I really did look everywhere. His house is empty. It wasn’t locked or anything.”

I stared out at the waves, trying to think of what to do next. I didn’t want to risk going back to Raymond’s house again. He probably didn’t know who took Cole’s shirt, but it seemed like a bad idea anyway.

“Let’s talk to Isabelle, then.”

Once in the resident services building again, Isabelle waved to us with her free hand. She was dusting the shelves.

“Hey there Cole. Feeling better today?”

“Well, I am okay but there’s a problem. I can’t find Marshal.” Cole said shyly, and I could tell he probably felt like he was being a burden for being in here so much when Isabelle was so busy. She stepped down to the floor and opened a filing cabinet, pulling out a binder labelled “Resident Records.”

“Hm, according to this, he’s moving out today. He’s not packing in his house?” Isabelle frowned. Cole shook his head with determination.

“No, nothing in his house has been moved. I saw because he left the door unlocked.”

“Then… I really don’t know. Ask our Rep, maybe? I’m sure they know. They have a lot more time to spend looking after everyone individually than I do, of course.” Isabelle said softly, looking slightly defeated. I have never seen her look like that before. Just… utterly at a loss.

I tried to find the Rep. They hadn’t talked to me at all recently and I hoped that a good conversation with them was exactly what this situation needed. But Cole and I could not find them, up until I spotted them entering Raymond’s house. I called out, but they didn’t hear me I don’t think.

Marshal never turned up at his house again after that. His house just stood empty apart from his furniture. Nobody took the spot either. And the Rep still did not talk to me, even though I tried to get their attention with little trinkets I thought they’d like as repayment for all the times they thought of me. Marshal wasn’t the last to disappear either. Next was Soleil. I was never close with her, but it made me anxious all the same. Just like before, she was due to move out in Isabelle’s records and never packed up. After that was Bill, who was a friendly rival of mine and I missed his presence greatly.

All the while I couldn’t help but feel that this was all because of Raymond. The need to find proof was more urgent than ever, and frustratingly nobody else seemed to want to help me. Everyone got over these disappearances surprisingly fast. Even Cole was back to his normal carefree self after a week or so of Marshal being gone. When he passed by Marshal’s empty home, he just ignored it like it wasn’t there. I felt uncomfortable ruining his mood with questions about whether he missed Marshal or not, so I just never brought it up. But everything changed for us when Penelope disappeared too.

“I can’t take this anymore.” I had said, while standing in front of her vacant house with Cole and Maelle. The door was hanging open when we got there and I nearly yelled out in frustration and fear.

“Take _what_ anymore?” Maelle asked casually. She was already starting to head back in the direction of the plaza and I stood in her way.

“What’s happening? You don’t care where our friend is? Cole, you don’t care about Marshal anymore?” I asked gesturing wildly.

“… Who?” Cole asked softly, looking at Penelope’s empty house with empty eyes. “I feel like I know that name but, I’m not sure.”

“Cole… your best friend. You don’t remember your best friend?” I demanded, moving to grab his shoulders. He just looked at me with a hint of confusion and shook his head.

“You at least still remember Penelope, right?”

“Yes, of course! This is her house. I—I’m sorry Dom. I know you care a lot. I just don’t understand.” I released his shoulders at this, turning away with disbelief and loss clutching at my chest.

I tried pointing out the empty houses to Isabelle, who said that we simply hadn’t had any new offers for anyone to take them over. When I asked to see her binder of resident records, the pages for everyone who had disappeared were gone. She couldn’t remember their names either. I was so angry that this could be her entire job and yet she was failing to be able to do anything about it. She was deeply hurt by this, which hurt me too. After all, it wasn’t her fault. It was Raymond. This couldn’t wait anymore. I needed to talk to the Rep.

I found them near the general store, just leaning up on the window and staring out at nothing.

“We need to talk. It’s been way too long.” I said to them nervously. They just smiled back.

“It has. What’s up Dom? How’s the uh…” They flexed their bicep and pointed to it. I couldn’t help but grin a little. This is what I missed about them.

“Well actually, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Penelope is gone. She was a part of the group I worked out with every day and I think something bad happened to her. I think it was Raymond.” I said, frowning deeply. They considered me for a while.

“Penelope just moved out, Dom. That’s all. And that’s a very serious accusation. Raymond’s still relatively new here. You can’t possibly know anything about him if you keep avoiding him like you have. Why not invite him to join your group? That would be good for both of you.” I ignored this and continued.

“What’s going on with the empty houses? There’s four of them now. I don’t understand. It’s got to be Raymond. He ate the fish in the museum!” My voice was steadily getting louder and I did not notice the bell of the shop door, as Raymond stepped out behind me. I turned, aghast, and he was looking at me with his infuriating cat grin.

“All done?” The Rep asked cheerily, distracted by the reappearance of my tormentor.

“Yes, for now. We can go. Oh, and Dom? Thanks for returning Cole’s shirt for me.” I stood frozen to the spot as they both disappeared. I knew then that nobody would be able to help me, not even the Rep. I would have to catch Raymond in the act myself and _do something_.

I’m not a very aggressive type at all, so I struggled with how to start. I bought an axe right then and there. Tommy and Timmy, the nephews of Tom (that was never not confusing), said something to me about the Rep being angry if I took gardening into my own hands without their input, but I only vaguely heard the two of them. Next, I had no way of knowing who the next victim would be, just that they’d be forgotten. I didn’t know how Raymond was managing to spirit my neighbors away so thoroughly and I was afraid to find out. My fear didn’t stop me though from waiting in the forest near Raymond’s house that very night. I _was_ very scared, but recent events upset me so much I probably couldn’t have slept well if I tried. As I waited, I mourned all my friends who I had lost, weeping quietly in the dark. I also wept for my faith in the Rep, who I would have trusted through any ordeal, but the threat Raymond posed was just too great I suppose.

Based on the chiming of the clock at the plaza, it was close to dawn when I awoke with a start. I didn’t realize I drifted off, leaning under a tree. In a panic I got up and noticed that Raymond’s door was wide open, creaking back and forth a little in a soft breeze. Raymond himself was not in, but luckily I caught a glimpse of him just down the path. Or at least, what I thought was him. He was too far away for me to tell for certain, but something about him didn’t look right. I followed as quietly as I could, scared to see where we ended up. If it was one of my friends, I just hoped I would be on time to save them.

To my utter horror, Raymond did not go into any house. Instead, he went into the general store. I was still very far back to keep myself from being seen, so it was a long sprint before I reached the front doors as well. The windows were dark, and I could not see in. But what I could hear was a slurping _crunch_ , and a low groan. The hand that I held my axe in was shaking, but I forced myself to enter. To this very day I regret taking this into my own hands, if it meant that I had to see what I did.

The figure that I saw was Raymond, but it also was not him. An elongated, thin, twisted thing with a distended belly. I couldn’t tell what I was looking at, at first. Maybe it had more limbs. It had to have had more limbs, to grip the limp, desiccated bodies of Timmy and Tommy at the same time. I couldn’t tell which one it was, but this … thing, this _monster_ was cracking his skull between its teeth and _slurping_ whatever it was draining out of it. The only way I could guess that this monster had been Raymond was its eyes—one green and one hazel. One eye swiveled on to me and I backed up out of the store, holding the axe up like I meant to use it, but failing to utterly. Raymond discarded the bodies to the floor instantly, his monstrous form lashing around to face me. All his boney hands held tight to the doorframe, blocking me from trying to move past him into the shop. His mouth was coated in gore. I knew I had to fight or hide. I chose to hide.

I threw the axe in my hands at Raymond as a distraction, not caring if it hit him or not, and ran as fast as I could away from the shop. I was going to the museum. It was the only place that I felt I could lose him effectively in. What would come after this, I had no idea, but it wouldn’t matter if I couldn’t live to see the sunrise. I knew Raymond was chasing me, but I refused to look. The sight of him was already burned in front of my eyes. At the very least, I was a decent runner and when I shut myself in the museum I didn’t hear the doors crash open until I was in the aquarium wing. I made my way hastily to the second room of the exhibit and to the area where deep sea fish were kept. But as I passed through, I noticed there wasn’t a single fish left on display. Blathers had never contacted me about more being missing. I can only assume he forgot about them too.

Part of the display here was a small research submarine—a real one. A good enough hiding spot, I wagered. I struggled with the hatch release, thinking for one horrible moment that it no longer opened, but it did, and I vaulted on to the roof of the submarine and slid inside. I closed the hatch behind me just as I heard the sound of shattering glass from an adjoining room. Raymond was here and he was angry that his meal had been interrupted. I closed my eyes in that dark, cramped space and made myself very small to avoid being seen in the small round porthole, hoping that I would be passed over.

I heard him draw nearer, his twisted creaking form moving heavily towards me. I laid down. Beside the submarine, the diving suit was wrenched from its display and hurled towards the empty tank. I thought about the coelacanth and how excited the Rep had been when they caught it, now gone. Sorrow welled up in me about how my friend probably didn’t even care about that at this point. Then there was a desperate scraping on the hull of the submarine, and I could do nothing but lay there and cry silently.

I don’t know how much time passed, but the scratching eventually stopped. Even then, I was too scared to move, let alone check if I was alone again. I did not dare so much as twitch until there was a polite knock on the submarine window. Lifting my head slowly, I saw Blathers and knew that the worst was over. I hadn’t thought to look for him when I ran in, but I guessed he had hidden somewhere as well during the attack.

I popped out of the hatch and Blathers sighed in relief at the sight of me.

“It’s a terrible morning, Dom. But it is morning, and I think the danger has passed. I’m so sorry.” He said, probably taking notice of how horrible I looked. Once outside the submarine I could see that it was covered with deep bloody scratches where the monster that was Raymond had filed his nails down to the quick trying to get at me. Together with Blathers, we left the museum, blinking in the morning light. He a bit more than me, of course.

The first thing I did was notify Tom. At the very least, since I had distracted Raymond for the rest of the precious hours until daylight he hadn’t been able to completely consume the bodies and memories of Timmy and Tommy. I tried my best to comfort Tom, but any grief he had, he kept it bottled up. He didn’t believe me when I tried to tell him that it was Raymond who did this, proving that whatever haze he’d placed over the minds of the rest of the island residents still was firmly in place. At the very least he listened to reason when I said our best hope to keep this from happening again was to leave this place. So, over the next few hours, Tom spearheaded gathering up the remaining residents. With some irritation, he phoned up his old business partner to pick us up in his boat, since the planes at the island airport were far too small for all of us and our stuff.

At the northern beach, we all said goodbye to Drifter’s Rock Isle. All of us except for the Rep, who Tom said was still unconvinced. I almost didn’t want to leave without them, but nothing could overcome the pure terror that still wasn’t quite out of my system.

I’m far away from that island now, and I miss the good peaceful days that you just can’t get from city life. I miss my friends very badly, and I wonder still if there was anything I could have done to save them from their fate.

Also… I’m afraid to even acknowledge it, but in the back of my mind, a horrible, buried piece of me misses Raymond…

_Statement ends._


End file.
